Yeah, its teh valentines day, do you know what that means?
Neither do I, but things have certainly been interesting since I last wrote anything. What to start with? Most recent or least? Well, we’ll start with the most pressing. Erm, Atlanta. In under a month, I’ll spending 5 days in atlanta with Andrew at the North American Cup, fencing division III foil and epee, and div II epee. Am I nervious? Yes, yes I am. Am I going? I am, barring freak disaster, I’m going. I can’t express my thanks for the support of Andrew and his family who are helping to make this dream of mine a reality. It’s going to be a lot of fun. I think thats enough on Atlanta for the moment, more to come.
Next? Well, I sorta don’t know where to go from here. I think I’ll point out that I’ve been spending much time on maple with my friends, sorting things out in my head. Some people have been helpfull (Envy much? <3) and other less so. What on earth am I talking about? Well, I’m just a little confused about some things is all. Being Valentines day, it was only natural to get some things for the girs I care about on maple. Actually, I hate Valentiens day. I HATE it with a passion. Ask Jamie how much I like valentines day, ask her how much I like girls right now, I DARE you. So here is how things went down. Sugar came on today around 4pm and hung out with us until about 6pm. She said she was afk for dinner. Fully expecting her back in an hour, I thought it would be a kind thing to do to get her a gift for Valentines day. I would hate to hear that someone I care so much about didn’t get anything at all for Valentines day. So I spent quite a while searching free market for something to get her. It had to be special. Hmm, a blue rose, thoes are sorta rare. Nope, I got her one just last week when she got back from her extended field trip. Hey, I’ve been saving wish tickets for Eclipse Earings! I could just get a few (er, like 500) more tickets and get her the Eclipse cloak, its like the coolest cape evah! So I set out to get more tickets, buying all that I saw. After about 30 minutes hard work, and lots of monies spent, I had the perfect gift. She was still afk, so I decided to wait… an hour later, I was still waiting, and Envy was no longer availible to keep me company. At around 11pm I gave up hope. A glass of milk from earlier sent me to the bathroom, and when I got back, I was shocked. Sugar had come back, said goodbye to the people of the guild, and left. All of this within the three minutes I was in the washroom. Now, this could be called bad luck, I’m sure thats all it is. I’m just sorta perplexed by the uncannyness of the timing of it all. I told Andrew about it, and he said I needed a new girlfriend. I let him live, lets say that much. For thoes of you who are following along here, I’m not with Sugar. We’re just friends. That is to say, I care very deeply about her, but not in the same way she feels about me. I have put my feelings (mostly) aside, for I have much greater pleasure calling her my good friend as apposed to a girl I would love to date. I really hope we can just stay as good of friends as we had through all this. She is one of thoes people who mean the world to me, and that means something. But nights like this, where things are almost going right, untill at the last moment when they’re snagged away by chance… I’m not doing so hot. Right now I’m listening to Chinese love songs and Japense tragedies. A delicate, beautiful balance. I love they way they sounds back to back. For some reason, when I saved this post as a draft, I lost a huge portion, and I don’t know where it went. I remember talking about guys crying. You think this is a little dramatic, being all over a video game? Well, its not about all about a video game. Its about Valentines day, its about Mimi, its about Envy, its about feeling lost inside myself, its over the feeling of being alone and scared, its about my friends, its about Sugar, its about Evelyn. I cried today, I cried this week, I’ll cry next week. I don’t cry every day, but sometimes I can’t help myself. If your a guy, or hell, I don’t care who you are, if you have cried this week, leave a comment. I know the only people who comment are KrazyKid and Trovar, but I know there are more readers than that. I love all of you guys, I hope you know that. And for thoes of you who don’t know what to write, its alright, you don’t have to be afraid. Thats just how I run the place. Now I’m all vonerable, open to whatever you want to say. I’m not comfortable, I’m not feeling safe or well or much of anything at the moment. I think I’ve done all I can have done everything I have the will to do. If you want to keep the ball rolling, toss it over and I’ll probably hit it back, but I’m tired of just looking at it like its made of glass, becase even if it is, it deserves more than to sit on my lap. I know it seems like a lot to ask, and you might not know what the hell I’m talking about, but if you don’t get what I’m saying, this doesnt really apply to you. I have one last thing to share with you all before I get ready for bed. Its something from my past, but I think it applys more now than it ever did.
I have provided for your eyes an old piece of poetry. I sorta wrote a lot of poetry at some point. This has always been my favourite piece because of the sincerty that provoked it. It’s a conversation between two people. In this case its a boy and a girl, they’re friendship is growing and he’s explaining his past to her. He’s had a hard time dealing with the loss of his friend, but this new girl somehow makes everything hurt just a little less. There might be deeper meaning to this to me than it would seem, but please give it a read and tell me how it makes you feel. Looking back, I still think its the most beautiful thing I’ve ever written as poetry goes.
I think I’ve lost my reflection
The story of two
Where are they now?
Where is lost but not with you?
One is lost and the other forgotten
I used to look into mirrors
I would peer into my reflection to see myself
I think I would see myself with her
With her?
Yes, with her
For so long I would gaze at us
What next?
What next. What I never dream
When all is gone but me
Who were you?
Who I wish I could be
We would sit together under large oaks
We would sit and dream lonely dreams
Ah yes, but now a lonely dream is not what was
We were together
And Lonely?
Yes, and lonely then is what I wish could be now
Then what is different?
Now she is lost and I forgotten
She is gone but in my heart forever
What next?
My reflection let go…
Well, its getting fairly late, and I just thought it would be kind for me to post an update for thoes kind enough to be reading. For thoes of you who have been waiting, I’m sorry, and I haven’t forgotten about you, and you guys mean alot to me. Happy Valentines day. Sugar, happy valentines day.
~Keiron
). The plastic bag however will not meet such a fate, I’ve had a long few past weeks, and its seen fulller days. It taste like love 
So, yummy yummy, happy happy, chips on a stick and all that. I’ve switched instant messaging to trillian so I can use aim and msn and icq and yahoo and probably have it walk my dog and do my laundry. We will see how it does, so far…. <3 So, aside from that, I remember doing laundry in my dream, someone asked me to do it while they did something else. I have a feeling we were going to do something exciting, but all I remember was laundry, and then being woken up. Oh well, see you guys.